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Bird Crud
  • The Biggest Pile of Bird Crud.....EVER.
3M vs Bird Doodie


I came back from JavaOne and noticed this very very large... thing on the top of my car. I couldn't believe what it was. It was the largest pile of bird crap ever. Either a whole flock of birds or one big-arse bird that just ate at the Sizzler's must have flown by.

I screamed. Well I thought about it. My first attempt was to just use a jet of water. After about 10 minutes, this served to get most of the gunk off, but there was a residue, similar to moisture or handprints left.

(Artist's impression of the bird that destroyed my roof.)

10 minutes of hand washing just that spot of the car with 3M brand car soap didn't do the trick. Even with the help of my friend, Sang Choi, the two of us couldn't do more than dent that damn blight. I still figure this out, my car was out in the sun for maybe 4-5 hours, tops. Have you EVER heard of bird crap that's so acidic it can eat away the wax and coating on a car THAT FAST?

In desperation, I resorted to the most dangerous resource possible, the only way I could fix this. I called upon the riciest Riceboy of all, Shu-Min Chang. Shu-Min, besides having some of the the tackiest superspoilers known to man, has nearly every 3M product commercially available. 5 minutes of 3M Liquid Polish was of no use. We had to bring in the big guns..... 3M Swirl Remover.

We used about 7 treatments of swirl remover, buffing it by hand for almost 40 minutes. Until finally it was almost gone. Kids don't try this at home. It is a pain and is more physical effort than I thought.

It won't be done until tomorrow. I'll wash it again completely top to bottom then re-wax it.


Well re-washed and re-waxed...and it's STILL there. I thought it was gone but it wasn't. I just couldnt' see it from my angle. It's still there, as a thin waxy film.

I talked to Thorpe Auto Detail today. After a very insightful conversation, I was told that color sanding might be my only solution. The fact that I can see the film only from the side means that it's now permeating the clear coat.

Color sanding is a process where the part of the clearcoat that is touching the bird crap is removed. This will strip some of the clear coat, but at leat it won't require repainting the roof. I'm not sure though, what if it doesn' work? It might make it worse....Ugh...

This is so gross.
Nightmare do come true.
What the hell did this bird eat for lunch?
After 3M car wash and cleanser.
After 3M swirl remover.
It took me almost two hours to get it this way.
I used about six treatments. It almost looks normal now. But I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the paint might have been damaged. Ugh. Not sure what more I can do though..
This is what's left. You can see it from the right angle still. If you look carefully and ignore the reflection, you'll notice a milky, translucent film.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's actually bigger than it looks. My camera couldn't capture it correctly.

I could use help cleaning it.....drop me a line on tactics you've used for this type of mess.